Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Adoption Maternity Shoot

For the past two months the waiting list number has not moved. The first month I was an icky puddle of emotional mush on the floor. Then after the Master chiseled my heart a little I have come to a place of peace. Waiting on His timing. Celebrating the life I have now. Pulling my family and friends closer to me as I lean on them for support. 

So what have I been up to? Well, having this adoption maternity shoot done. I am totally in love with how it turned out and am so thankful to Stein Photography for helping me to preserve this portion of the adoption journey.  

Another thing I have to tell you is the launch of our next fundraiser. Nick and I are firm believers in the fact that it takes a village to raise a child. Keeping in that spirit we are doing a puzzle fundraiser. Each piece of the puzzle will be ten dollars. We will write your family's name on the back of the puzzle piece. I will mount the puzzle on plexiglass and the completed work will hang in Sophia's room. This will be a forever reminder to her of how many people loved her before she was even known. If you would like to be part of our village you can donate in person or through the PayPal button on this blog. Just let me know in the comments what name you would like on the back of the piece. I am so excited to get this started! Here is a picture of what the completed puzzle will look like.

Thank you to Emily Rose from Pop Art Pug for helping us with the image for the puzzle! 

Sunday, September 15, 2013

September's update and mental meltdowns

If you know me then you already know that the wait list number did not change this month. It was no surprise to my rational mind but my heart did not get the memo. I was so disappointed, so angry...

That anger had to go somewhere. It landed on my precious husband. I felt a rage when I looked at him. Something he certainly did not deserve. Here is where I take the opportunity to apologize to my husband. I'm sorry my love. This is a grief I have never known. It's depths consume me. Thank you for enduring my torment. 

My beloved is away this week. In a seminary class. I was at church this morning having a little breakdown. The sermon was the last straw for my heavy heart. When the alter call came I knew I needed to repent. I sobbed at the alter. Held the hand of a sister in Christ and laid my burdens at His feet. My pastor prayed for me, over me. The sobbing continued. 

My heart still hurts.

I miss someone I don't even know. 

It's a pain I can't reason away. 

It's a pain that consumes. 

If you feel led please pray for me. Pray for peace, for rest. For comfort in His will. 

I know all those things are true but my heart still hurts....

Thursday, August 8, 2013

August 2013 Wait List Number

The number came quickly this month on the very first day of the month. It came with joy. Last month I cried over the number. Such a big number, 123. I cried for the time I have already spent waiting. Cried for the time yet to wait. I wanted to be grateful for the number but mostly I was just heartbroken. When the number came early this month I was caught off guard. 

Nick told me it had come. I threatened his life and told him NOT to tell me what it was. I don't know why but I needed to read it. I opened my mail and there was my blessing....


Nineteen precious gifts from God were referred to anxiously awaiting Mommies and Daddies. Fourteen of those were infants.

More tears.

This time for relief and for joy. She will come home. I will not wait forever.  I will hold her in my arms. I will look into those big brown eyes. She will call me Momma. 

I will cry then for the sheer gift of God's grace. Another month has passed and I praise Him for it. I praise Him for the lessons He is teaching me. Teaching me to find the joy in the hard and to rely on Him. In Him is peace. 

Blessings All,


Saturday, July 13, 2013


A month or so ago we put a call out to our beloved church family for donations. Nick and I are doing our very first major fundraiser, a yard sale. Nick has been diligently doing the leg work of gathering donations. This week I started my portion of the work by pricing and sorting. Here is the pile so far....

After several days I am happy to report I am almost completely caught up. During this massive amount of work I was continually humbled by the outpouring of love and support. I thank God over and again for the blessing of family (biological and church). For a group of people who pray for our family, care for us, and help in our time of need. What a lucky gal I am! 

God bless,


Monday, July 1, 2013

The Story So Far

First, let me introduce myself. My name is Amy. I live in a rural part of Virginia with my husband
Nick and our three year old son Gabriel. Gabriel is my biological son. God has been gracious to Nick and I and blessed us with fertility. Our desire to pursue adoption did not start out because of the Lord closing that door.

Instead my story starts early. By early I mean around middle school. I am a woman in my mid thirties so this itching to have an adopted child is not rooted from a desire to follow Hollywood stars. It was a little scratch that God put in my heart and mind. He wanted me to adopt.

When I met my husband I was the wayward son, err daughter. Away from my walk but always loved by my Father. He watched after me. He gave me a husband who was an atheist but as I like to say was struck on the road to Damascus. God has worked mightily in my husbands life. Bringing Nick to know the Lord and now to a point where Nick is pursuing a call to ministry. I could not be a more blessed woman.

Through this pilgrimage called life God has given me this one commandment. Adopt. I was even reluctant to have a biological child. It never occurred to me that any of my children would be biological. God wanted me to adopt. Nick wanted a biological child. I love Nick and he is the head of our home so along came our beloved Gabriel.

That command. That itch. It never left. God started filling my life with people who had adopted. Gave me a friend who had begun the adoption process. God was no longer whispering His command. He was shouting.

Nick was uneasy about the prospect. Of course God knew how to soften Nick's heart. The Lord led Nick to read the book "Adopted For Life" by Russell Moore. There is a story in the book of a couple who come to Moore for counseling about their fertility issues. Pastor Moore asked the couple, do you wish to protect your genetic code or do you wish to be parents. Wow. Just Wow. Nicks heart became soft.

We moved forward with our decision. We picked what we thought to be a stable and reputable adoption agency, Christan World Adoption. We sold my car. We drained our bank account. We borrowed against our 401k. We saved, saved, saved. All we needed was airfare.

We had no referral for a child at this point. We had no idea when a referral would come. CWA was very tight lipped about how long we would wait or where we were in line.

I will never forget that Friday. Nick and I were at Subway enjoying lunch. Our tax returns had hit our bank account that morning. We promptly moved the money into savings. Airfare was under control. Everything was in order. All we needed now was Sophia. Nick opened his email during lunch. He read the fateful letter that CWA sent declaring their bankruptcy.

The money was gone. All of it. Every blessed penny was gone. Money that was supposed to have been in escrow to pay for orphan care in Ethiopia had been used for the best of my reasoning to keep the lights on at CWA.

I felt the air leave me like I had been sucker punched in the gut. For weeks, even months later I felt a pain when I breathed. An ache. Like a death. I have suffered a miscarriage before. That is exactly what this felt like.

I mourned.

Mourned the baby that I thought was Sophia.

My husband was the strength of our little family. He picked up the pieces. He talked with leaders in the adoption community. He was our prayer warrior. He led with authority and by the grace of God Nick was led to our new adoption agency.

Lifeline Children's Services was our new raft in the sea of paperwork. They lovingly led us through the muck of despair over a failed adoption. They pray for us and our adoption efforts. I can literaly feel the love of Christ from them. I have enjoyed a peace with them that I never felt with CWA.

Today we are waiting. Waiting for 15-18 months at this point. Waiting for our very first number to tell us where we are in line. A number that will be updated each month. A number to keep me hopeful. I praise God for His mercy in providing such a simple thing as a number to ease this Momma's heart as she waits.

The money is gone but God has behind all of this. His powerful hand guiding all of it. Lessons upon lessons have been learned. Many times have I been able to share this story and share the love of Christ because of my story. I thank Him for it.

I thank Him for His provision. I thank Him for this call. I thank Him for the family already within my home and for the tiny girl in Ethiopia destined to be my daughter. I thank Him....