That anger had to go somewhere. It landed on my precious husband. I felt a rage when I looked at him. Something he certainly did not deserve. Here is where I take the opportunity to apologize to my husband. I'm sorry my love. This is a grief I have never known. It's depths consume me. Thank you for enduring my torment. 
My beloved is away this week. In a seminary class. I was at church this morning having a little breakdown. The sermon was the last straw for my heavy heart. When the alter call came I knew I needed to repent. I sobbed at the alter. Held the hand of a sister in Christ and laid my burdens at His feet. My pastor prayed for me, over me. The sobbing continued. 
My heart still hurts.
I miss someone I don't even know. 
It's a pain I can't reason away. 
It's a pain that consumes. 
If you feel led please pray for me. Pray for peace, for rest. For comfort in His will. 
I know all those things are true but my heart still hurts....
