September's update and mental meltdowns

If you know me then you already know that the wait list number did not change this month. It was no surprise to my rational mind but my heart did not get the memo. I was so disappointed, so angry...

That anger had to go somewhere. It landed on my precious husband. I felt a rage when I looked at him. Something he certainly did not deserve. Here is where I take the opportunity to apologize to my husband. I'm sorry my love. This is a grief I have never known. It's depths consume me. Thank you for enduring my torment. 

My beloved is away this week. In a seminary class. I was at church this morning having a little breakdown. The sermon was the last straw for my heavy heart. When the alter call came I knew I needed to repent. I sobbed at the alter. Held the hand of a sister in Christ and laid my burdens at His feet. My pastor prayed for me, over me. The sobbing continued. 

My heart still hurts.

I miss someone I don't even know. 

It's a pain I can't reason away. 

It's a pain that consumes. 

If you feel led please pray for me. Pray for peace, for rest. For comfort in His will. 

I know all those things are true but my heart still hurts....